Many people reach adulthood without realising they might be autistic, particularly if their autistic traits don't match stereotypical presentations often depicted in media. Understanding autism through a neuroaffirming lens means recognising it as a natural variation in human neurology rather than a disorder to be fixed. If you've been wondering whether you might be autistic, this guide explores common autistic experiences and traits that might resonate with you.
Common Autistic Experiences
Autism manifests differently in each person, but there are some common experiences that many autistic people share. You might recognise yourself in some of these descriptions:
Social Communication and Interaction
- Social intuition: You may find unwritten social rules confusing or illogical. Social interactions might feel like navigating a foreign country where you don't speak the language fluently.
- Conversation challenges: You might struggle with the rhythm of conversation, including knowing when to start or end conversations, or how to join group discussions without feeling like you're interrupting.
- Literal interpretation: You might tend to take things literally or miss sarcasm, metaphors, or implied meanings that others seem to catch effortlessly.
- Direct communication: You may prefer straightforward communication and can become confused or frustrated by hints, implications, or being asked to "read between the lines."
- Selective social energy: You might genuinely enjoy some social interactions but find them exhausting, requiring alone time afterward to recover.
Deep connections: While you might find small talk challenging or pointless, you may form deep, meaningful connections around shared interests or values.
Sensory Experiences
- Sensory sensitivity: You might be more sensitive to sounds, lights, textures, smells, or tastes than others seem to be. Certain sensory experiences might feel physically painful or overwhelming.
- Sensory seeking: Conversely, you might crave certain sensory experiences like deep pressure, specific textures, or visual stimulation.
- Sensory overload: You may experience times when multiple sensory inputs become overwhelming, leading to stress, anxiety, or shutdown.
Specific preferences: You might have strong preferences about clothing textures, food temperatures or textures, or environmental conditions that others don't seem to notice.
Thinking Styles and Interests
- Pattern recognition: You might excel at recognising patterns, details, or inconsistencies that others miss.
- Deep interests: You may develop intense interests in specific topics, learning everything about them and finding genuine joy in these pursuits.
- Different learning style: You might learn best through specific approaches (visual, hands-on, etc.) and struggle when information is presented in other ways.
- Need for clarity: You may prefer explicit instructions and clear expectations, finding ambiguity stressful.
- Systematic thinking: You might approach problems systematically, sometimes developing unique solutions through your different perspective.
Executive Functioning
- Time management challenges: You might struggle with estimating how long tasks will take or keeping track of time.
- Task initiation: Starting tasks might be difficult, even for activities you want to do or enjoy.
- Cognitive flexibility: You might find unexpected changes or transitions challenging to navigate.
- Organisation: You may have your own organisational systems that make sense to you but seem unusual to others.
Movement and Motor Skills
- Stimming: You might engage in repetitive movements (like rocking or fidgeting) that help you regulate emotions or focus.
- Motor coordination: You might have different motor coordination patterns, affecting handwriting, sports, or other physical activities.
- Body awareness: You may sometimes bump into things or misjudge physical spaces.
How Autism Often Presents in Women and Girls
Autism has historically been under-recognised in those assigned female at birth (AFAB) for several reasons, including gender-based socialisation and research bias. If you're a woman or were raised as a girl, you might recognise these patterns:
- Social camouflaging: You might have developed exceptional skills at observing and imitating others' social behaviours, potentially leading to delayed recognition of your autism.
- Friendship approaches: You may have studied friendship like an academic subject, carefully analysing social interactions to understand the "rules."
- Special interests: Your interests might be more socially accepted (like animals, literature, or psychology) rather than stereotypically autistic interests, making them less obvious as intense special interests.
- Social motivation: You might deeply desire social connection while finding the execution of social skills challenging.
- Emotional presentation: You may experience intense emotions but have learned to suppress visible signs of distress until you're in private.
- Internal vs. external focus: Your autism might manifest more as internal experiences (anxiety, overthinking social interactions) rather than externally obvious traits.
- Perfectionism: You might hold yourself to extremely high standards across various areas of life as a way of compensating for perceived social difficulties.
- Sensory sensitivities: You may have significant sensory sensitivities but have learned to hide your discomfort in public settings.
Understanding Masking
Masking (also called camouflaging) refers to consciously or unconsciously hiding autistic traits to appear more neurotypical. Many autistic people mask to varying degrees, often without realising they're doing so.
Common Masking Behaviours
- Rehearsing conversations or social scripts before interactions
- Carefully monitoring facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language
- Suppressing stimming behaviours in public
- Forcing eye contact despite discomfort
- Developing personas for different social contexts
- Memorising jokes or phrases that reliably work in social situations
- Mimicking others' communication styles or interests
- Pushing through sensory discomfort without showing distress
The Cost of Masking
While masking can help navigate a neurotypical world, it often comes with significant costs:
- Exhaustion: Constant self-monitoring requires tremendous mental energy
- Identity confusion: You might lose touch with your authentic self
- Delayed diagnosis: Effective masking can hide autistic traits from others (and yourself)
- Mental health impacts: Chronic masking is associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout
- Autistic burnout: Extended periods of masking can lead to autistic burnout, a state of physical and mental exhaustion where previously managed autistic traits become more pronounced
Recognising Your Own Masking
You might be masking if you:
- Feel like you're "performing" rather than being yourself in social situations
- Experience exhaustion after social events, even ones you enjoyed
- Have different "versions" of yourself for different settings
- Feel like others don't know the "real you"
- Find yourself analysing social situations in great detail
- Experience relief when plans are canceled, even for activities you enjoy
- Notice that your natural behaviours emerge when alone or with trusted people
Self-Assessment Questions
Consider the following questions as you explore whether you might be autistic:
- Do you feel different from others in ways that are difficult to explain?
- Have you created systems or rules to help you navigate social situations?
- Do you need more time alone than others seem to require?
- Do you notice details or patterns that others miss?
- Do you have intense interests that you could talk about for hours?
- Are you more sensitive to sensory experiences than others around you?
- Do you sometimes miss social cues that others seem to catch easily?
- Do you feel exhausted after socialising, even when you enjoyed it?
- Do you prefer clear instructions and explicit expectations?
- Have you developed coping mechanisms to "fit in" socially?
Next Steps in Your Journey
If you resonated with many of the experiences described in this post, you might consider:
- Learning more: Read books and articles by actually autistic authors, follow autistic content creators, or join online communities for self-identified autistic people. Check out our recommended books and podcasts
- Self-reflection: Keep a journal noting situations where you recognise potentially autistic traits or experiences.
- Finding community: Connect with other autistic individuals or those exploring their neurodivergence.
- Professional assessment: Consider seeking an evaluation from a professional who understands autism in adults and takes a neuroaffirming approach.
- Self-compassion: Whatever you discover about yourself, approach your journey with kindness and acceptance.
Final Thoughts
Exploring whether you might be autistic is a deeply personal journey. There's no single "way" to be autistic, and identification is ultimately about understanding yourself better and finding helpful frameworks for your experiences. Whether or not you ultimately identify as autistic, learning about neurodiversity can provide valuable insights into your unique neurological makeup.
Remember that autism is not something to "overcome" or "fix"—it's an integral part of how some human brains are wired. In a neuroaffirming framework, the goal isn't changing autistic people but rather creating a world that accepts and accommodates neurological differences, allowing all people to thrive as their authentic selves.
At Exhale Psychology Centre we offer person-centered, inclusive, and neuroaffirming assessments to support people to identify their neurotype (autism, ADHD, or AuDHD). Assessments can be conducted face-to-face at our Brisbane practice or via telehealth. You can find out more about our assessment process here.
