Help for perfectionism and other complex issues

The Centre for Clinical Interventions defines perfectionism as:

1. The relentless striving for extremely high standards (for yourself and/or others) that are personally demanding, in the context of the individual. (Typically, to an outsider the standards are considered to be unreasonable given the circumstances.)
2. Judging your self-worth based largely on your ability to strive for and achieve such unrelenting standards
3. Experiencing negative consequences of setting such demanding standards, yet continuing to go for them despite the huge cost to you

People who live with perfectionism are often uncomfortable being labelled a perfectionist, protesting “I’m not perfect!” But perfectionism is not about being perfect. It is about never feeling good enough, and is linked to low self-worth.

Approach vs Avoidant Perfectionism

Approach and avoidance perfectionism are flip sides of the same coin.

Approach perfectionism is what we typically understand perfectionistic behaviours to be, for example;

• Overworking
• Cleanliness
• Orderliness

Avoidant perfectionism is when a person’s internal standards are so high that they avoid doing tasks altogether, for example -

“I haven’t cleaned the house in weeks. I know if I try to clean the bench top I’ll have to start disinfecting everything and then rearrange the pantry and clear out the fridge and it’s all too overwhelming”

- P in Brisbane

Many people swing between approach and avoidant perfectionism, or lean towards approach in some areas of life and avoidance in others.

Support for Perfectionism

There are a number of therapies that can help with perfectionism, including Compassion Focused Therapy, Schema Based Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, and Acceptance Commitment Therapy. The goal of therapy is not to let go of your standards completely, but to have high standards that:

• Reflect your values
• Are working for you
• Don’t get in the way of your relationships or wellbeing
• Are flexible

Perfectionism is often driven by anxiety, so therapy usually works on the anxiety too.

Perfectionism and OCPD

When perfectionism is intense, constant and shows up across many areas of life, often from early adulthood, it may be described as obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). You can read more about how OCPD can show up and the therapies that can help on our OCPD page.